The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
