You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
