If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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