she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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