A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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