New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We need to feng shui this bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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