you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
