i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
