I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
