you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
