the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
