Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
