i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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