She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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