Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
