She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
