we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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