Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
