margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
