You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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