new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
