guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
