The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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