A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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