hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
