Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
