my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
