your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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