If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
