im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize