Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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