i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i came on her dog
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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