when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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