At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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