How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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