Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
