I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
