home. puking in laundry basket.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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