one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want a musical about memes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
