my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
