angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
