Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
