Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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