i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
