That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
