yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
