he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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