We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
