My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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