I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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