i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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