Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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