She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize