I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
