Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk is not a location!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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