I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
