even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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