her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
