I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
