Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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