I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
