ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
