That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
