So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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