Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
